| I'm done! |
[21 Feb 2005|01:00am] |
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This will be my last post.
I have, unfortunately, been involved with two-faced people for the last third of my life and I am sick of all the drama. I thought I could do this journal thing to help me deal with my problems but apparently its not helping and only adding to my already fucked up life. My ex is a piece of shit who has fucked with my head for long enough and his piece of shit friends can all kiss my ass! Karma is a bitch and I don't need to help it along because everyone knows that what they do will ALWAYS come back to haunt them! So enjoy your happiness while it lasts....
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| VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS!!! |
[17 Feb 2005|08:34am] |
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I am SOOOOO excited about my Vegas trip this weekend!!! I REALLY need a vacation....especially a vacation from my life. There is sooo much I want to do while I am there beyond just gambling.... I plan to let loose and PARTY! I haven't done that in like....FOREVER! I have always been attached when I had gone out there in the past so I couldn't really have any fun because I am not the type of girl to cheat on her bf/significant other. However, I am REALLY looking forward to staying drunk the entire time I am there, doing whatever with whomever, and HOPEFULLY winning a jackpot on a slot machine or winning big at craps or blackjack!
I will update when I get back :)
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[16 Feb 2005|02:10pm] |
I think I am done seeking revenge on my ex. I am just soo tired of everyone's BS, especially his, and I just don't think I can stoop down to his level in order to get the satisfaction I need. I need to let go of him and my life with him and forget about all the crap I have had to deal with the last 8 yrs. of my life. I will no longer give him the satisfaction of controlling my thoughts and my happiness.
I will also continue to see whomever I want to and I really don't care who is bothered by that! I make my decisions based on how I feel and I will date anyone I believe is a good person as well as someone I can talk to and enjoy spending time with.
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[16 Feb 2005|10:22am] |
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I think I may be overdoing it. I work 40 hrs. a week at my normal job and then I work on my event planning company in the evenings and on weekends. While I would LOVE to have my own company take off and be my sole source of income, I get bored rather easily and that is actually one of my main reasons for getting the normal 40hr/week job. I barely have enough time to breathe let alone eat and sleep. And with all the drama in my life right now I might need to take a very LONG vacation! :)
My plan is to either buy my own house or condo in November of this year or buy some investment property in Las Vegas/Phoenix/Georgia to build up my net worth so that when I am 35 I will be pretty well off and might even be able to retire or only work when I want to. But in order for me to do this I need that normal job that shows a consistent income. Don't get me wrong....I like making as much money as I am but not at the cost mentally and physically.
Maybe the reason why this is soo consuming and draining is due to the person issues I am having to deal with in my life right now. The breakup of my marriage was hard enough to deal with and then I found out on Monday that my grandpa's prostate cancer has spread to the bone. He and I are pretty close....he performed the ceremony at my wedding! I just hope that nothing else goes wrong in my life right now because I don't think I can take it.....
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| Why is it impossible for me to be happy?!?? |
[15 Feb 2005|11:34pm] |
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I have a successful company that is getting better and better everyday. I am debt free. I am buying a house in November. I have a really nice new car. I am healthy (at least as far as I know). But it seems lately that I cannot be happy. No matter what I do or how many good things are happening for me I cannot seem to really enjoy it for longer than a day or two. I guess it stems back to me ex. Why is he allowed to be happy and move on with his life? He is the one who treated me like shit for almost 8 years! Life is soooo not fair! He does NOT deserve to be happy! And I feel really bad saying something like that because thats not me. I am not a mean, vindictive person. I am a good person who tries to see the good in everyone. For some reason I let this man get to me soo negatively that I find myself turning into this bad person. Hopefully I will find someway to get over this crap....and soon!
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[15 Feb 2005|01:39pm] |
I did a bridal show on Sunday that had me stressed out TREMENDOUSLY for about a week before hand and things seem to be turning out pretty well. My ex's cousin, who owns a floral company, decorated my booth and it turned out very nice! Hopefully I get a lot of business from this show since I won't be doing another until June or maybe even September. I spend quite a bit of money on advertising but for the most part it has paid off. I currently have ads on TheKnot.com, ModernBride.com, ElegantBride.com and Brides.com and I pay a decent amount per month for them but I have been getting a lot of business from it, especially from TheKnot.
Well, my company is finally getting off the ground and I have been fortunate to book quality brides from the start. By this I mean that the brides/weddings I am booking are high dollar weddings at places like the St. Regis and the Montage. Of course with this taken into consideration I am a little nervous because I am very much a perfectionist and like to do things VERY well so I am doing everything I can to make sure these weddings run smoothly. I am working with both the St. Regis and Montage in Laguna to get on their vendor lists after the wedding and that should bring quite a bit of business my way that should also be in the high dollar amount.
I am also working on getting my CMP, Certified Meeting Planner, certificate so I can break into the corporate world of event planning more so than I already have. It's much more expensive on my part to break into corporate event planning but the payoff is like 10 times as much. For planning an entire 300 guest wedding at the St. Regis might yield $4-5K a corporate event of the same amount of people over one day would yield about $10K or more depending on the budget and what they have me do. As you can see, it doesn't take a lot of brains to know that Corporate is where I need to start focusing my energy :)
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[15 Feb 2005|08:00am] |
I had a really nice Valentine's Day considering the circumstances. I went out to dinner with guy #2 and had a great time. Even though I am still a very bitter person right now I managed to have a nice time just hanging out with the guy. Our dinner ended up being like over 2 hours long with the wait staff kind of pushing us out because they were closing :) He gave me a sweet kiss goodnight and even though we both wanted more I knew that more wasn't a good idea.
With all of that said, I still had someone else in the back of my mind and I am kind of baffled by the whole thing. I was talking to him before guy #2 came by to pick me up and I kind of wished that I was going to dinner with him instead of guy #2. Don't get me wrong, guy #2 is great and I had a really good time but guy #3 just has something different about him that I find very intriguing. Maybe because he is the complete antithesis of everything I have dated or even wanted to date, for the most part. All I know is that I have really enjoyed hanging out with him lately and hope that things keep going the way they are.
It's weird though....I told myself not to get into a relationship right now because I didn't think I was mentally ready for one yet but I find myself wanting to stop the dating around thing and see where things go with this one...
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[15 Feb 2005|07:05am] |
As some of you know, I recently bought a new car. I have been DIEING to see what it can do but I have been patiently waiting until the car had about 1000 miles on it before really pushing it because I paid a fortune for it and do not want to do anything to ruin the engine. Well, last night after dinner I decided to take it out for a quick drive on the freeway. I have never really driven a RWD car before, let alone a car with this much HP, so I was really nervous on how to handle the car at high speeds since I am soo use to driving a FWD car. I was able to get the car up to 130 really quickly, and I know it can go MUCH faster than that but I will try again another time :) I had a decently fast car before this, a 3.2TL, and was able to take it to 142 and could have kept going but didn't feel comfortable since I was coming up on a group of cars on the freeway. But the new one has WAY more torque and about 80 more HP so you get the picture....
By the way, in case you don't already know what kind of car I have now, it's a 2005 Infiniti G35 Coupe :)
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[14 Feb 2005|06:22pm] |
Well...while I am getting ready to head out to dinner with guy #2, and I am sure I will have a great time, I am hoping I don't let on to him that I FUCKING HATE THIS PSEUDO-HOLIDAY!!!! My ex has ruined this holiday for me, at least for a while......so I would like to extend and very heartfelt FUCK YOU to him :)
HAPPY FUCKING VALENTINE'S DAY!
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[14 Feb 2005|01:25pm] |
I have come to realize exactly why I stayed in my last relationship for soo long, besides the fact that I was head over heels in love.......dating sucks!!! It's fun and all but I just hate sifting through the bull shit! I have gone out with some cool people, some cooler than others, but there are 3 in particular that I really clicked with but there is something wrong with each situation....
The first guy is AMAZING!!! Has to be the best sex I have EVER had!!!! We clicked right away and he is SUPER HOT! All of the people I have told about him and shown pictures to agree with me :) We have soo much in common and want the same things out of life. The kicker with this one is the fact that his new business venture is taking him out of state. We both agreed to not lose touch and see each other whenever we got the chance and so far things have been cool so we'll see how it goes....
The second guy is pretty cool. We have soo much fun together and I really enjoy hanging out with him regardless of what we do. We too have a lot in common and he is cute too but there is just something about him that isnt quite right. I know that once I work up the nerve to talk to him about it things will be cool but we'll have to wait and see...
And the last guy.....well lets just say that its just an overall bad situation. I have known him for a while now but I was taken. We started hanging out lately and I have to admit, I have had a great time! He is not what I have been typically looking for but maybe I need to change that. I had the tall, handsome guy but he had NO idea how to treat a woman. While I really think that things with this guy could be great, I am hesitant because of the situation both of us would be put in if we decided to date. However, I REALLY enjoy spending time with him.....I think I will keep on going out with him and see what happens...
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| Hmm.... |
[14 Feb 2005|12:17pm] |
I have never done this before so I have no idea if this will work for me....
I have been seeing a psychologist to help me deal with the breakup of my marriage to the guy I had dated since I was 16 and some days are good and some days are bad. She mentioned that it might be a good idea to start some type of journal or diary to help me sort through my problems to avoid medication for my anxiety. So here it goes...
I am going through a pretty rough patch in my life right now. A relationship I have been a part of for almost 8 years is coming to an end and I am having a harder time dealing with it than I ever thought. I like to think of myself as a pretty strong person but I guess mentally, at least when it comes to this relationship, I am the weakest person in the world. I loved this person with all of my heart and did everything I could to make the relationship work but it just couldn't because there needs to be 2 people trying because one person cannot carry an entire relationship/marriage.
Even though I was the one who asked for the divorce, I still look back and see it as this giant snowball effect that neither one of us really tried to stop and I still sort of regret even starting it. I still love this man even though he treated me pretty badly throughout our relationship and since the breakup. He started sleeping with other people within about 2 weeks of moving out of our apartment and not being responsible about it.
I also learned some very disturbing news last week that has made this breakup even worse. We had the type of relationship where we would have a fight and then "break up" but we never REALLY broke up because we would still talk to and see each other a couple times a week. Well, during one of these breakups about 4 1/2 yrs ago my guy slept with another person. I would have to say that during the last half of our relationship I had thought that something was a little off. I thought that he had been with someone else while we were together even though he told me straight to my face that he hadn't. Since I did not have any evidence to support my thoughts I trusted him and believed that he was telling me the truth when he said that he hasn't been with anyone else, even during one of our "pseudo-breakups."
Well....I obviously found out otherwise and it is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. This is the guy I lost my virginity to! The guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with! How could he betray me like this?!?!? I know he is justifying this whole thing as "we weren't together at the time" when he himself even admitted in the past that we never REALLY ever broke up during the course of our relationship. What a hippocrit! I cannot believe I loved this man! It just seems like the last 5 yrs. of my life have been nothing but a lie!
He is with another chick now that he has been seeing off and on since we split up in October and they are perfect for each other! She is going through a similar situation in that she is either divorced or going through one but the part where she is PERFECT for my ex is the fact that she cheated on her husband with another guy and then left him for that guy. And then she hooks up with my soon-to-be ex-husband and leaves him for that same guy! I am sure they will make a GREAT couple!!!!
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